geezeus!

It isn't fair how fear is so available.

So many people are waiting to disapprove me. I've had hand fulls of people saying I'm too big, I'm too curly, I'm too loud, I'm too much, or I'm not enough of something. some guy told me, I'd be unstoppable if my breasts were bigger. Oh, gee. thanks.



What the hell difference does it make how I come off, who's business is it anyway? I dislike how too many people are willing to let other people down, as a sport, you know? How does one get great joy from making someone else feel less than. or in my case the attempt at making me feel less than, I usually pity those that come at me foul. I heard a man say ; " If God is with you, who can be against you?"


How easy it would be to wake up one day only to , 'Fear Not!" I'm very sure it is possible, its just doing so would involve a lot of trust, not within someone else, maybe not even myself, but that is a lot of trust in God. As bad as I grind for the all mighty dollar, I should go with the 'In God We Trust' as ironic as that may be with the absence of God in everyday life.


So uh ' Mister God, you're listening .. , can you help me? Maybe? I'd just like to know, why there's so much adversity. It threatens my happiness. And if what I'm going after is meant to be mine, why do have to try so hard?



Ahh. no answer aye.
Maybe it's because I don't completely trust in God, yet.

Not to validate my reasons, uh wait. yes I am. But, It's so difficult to simply leave every issue in the Lords hands when my neuroticism wants me to work on something myself. INSTANTLY!

It's my nerves and hormones, I'm just so damn frustrated.

I feel I work so hard, I see lots of people around me not lifting a finger, instead pointing the finger at me, telling me how bad I'm making them look.

though, I must press on continuing to do the only thing I do well, be myself.

those that matter don't mind. those that don't matter mind, or something like that.

everything else is absoludacris!