I need a hug.

uhg. I feel , no wait I am absolutely pressured.
uhg. between my dead end job, I don't make enough money to simply relax. and how the fuck am I going to pay for school? $30,000 a semester, fuuuuck. I've done a pretty good job with surrounding myself with people that are eh, tolerable, for the most part. I'm just so ready for the grande finale, you know, when you've done well, finally succeeded, and there's no more struggle. of course, I'm handling it, I'm just so tired of being the one to handle it. Paying all the bills, and they keep coming, my mom's hand it out FOR the bill money minutes within I receive my insult of a pay check. Working in circles. I don't like this failed attempt at my American Dream. this is bullshit, i see why most adults speed through traffic, walk around like zombies, and go off on each other at the drop of a dime. But I can't do that, I cannot just go off on a muhhfucka - uhg even when they deserve a good ass kickin. I wish I could. I'm more afraid of what I've lose than what I'd gain. plus my ego is content enough to be pissed off and get over it.
I don't know, yo. AHHH! I gotta blow some steam!

I wish I had some certainty, you know? Or even a concrete relationship.

It's not even like I don't know people, I'm not willing to settle. I'm not willing to compromise my sanity for companionship. Between the jealousy, the tempers, the cheapness, the bullshit, the drama, and occasional bad sex, I simply don't have the interest.

Sometimes I wonder if my father was in my life consistently, I wouldn't be desperately searching for -- nothing.

I'm sure this may insult the few people I do know, maybe it's the time of day, I just feel lonely sometimes. The only certainty I have is my art, it has never failed me. I am thankful for that, buuuuut my camera doesn't hug me back.

And well, on this Sunday night, I wish it did.